Don't Put So Much Pressure On Yourself.
A little bit about me: I am a Virgo/Capricorn combo and a farmer's daughter, raised Catholic, in the Midwest of the US. This particular combination has led to a work ethic and resilience that I pride myself on. I find it hard to not give my all in work and in life. When I commit to something, I show up. (There's a lot of Midwestern Protestantism + Catholic guilt coming into play if I don't, as well.)
I am currently deviating from what I believe is my nature.
I have used 2023 as a rest year, and it's been hard to give myself the grace to do so. (See above.) Upon introspection, my unintentional forced rest has been the result of a few things:
- I bought a house.
- I changed my lifestyle. (City -> suburbs.)
- I quit my job.
- I started a new job.
- There were health issues in the family.
- There were subsequent deaths in the family.
- I spent January + February real depressed.
- Underlying all of this, we continue to live in an era of pandemia.
It's caused me to do a real reality check on my life – what is important to me? Why have I made the choices I have? Do I still care about the things that I cared about 2, 3, 4 years ago? Am I still ambitious? (Spoiler: yes.) Am I still the workhorse I pride myself in being? (Also yes, but it looks different.)
We put so much pressure on ourselves in this "hustle" culture - which still exists, despite the prevalence of the "slow living" movement - that living like this is just not sustainable. I am living in burnout recovery. I have friends who are living through a number of the same things I am, but who have chosen to be parents on top of it.
Here's the thing: we're allowed to rest.
What does that look like?
For me, it's taken the form of 80% effort. 60% effort. Some days, it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed and onto the couch to cuddle with my dog. Slowly, I started to travel again. I'm seeing my family more consistently. Seeing some friends on a regular basis. I dedicated some time to my hobbies - crafting and creating again. Writing some.
We're in October, and I am just now feeling closer to myself again. It's not the same me that was around 3 years ago. But I'm still there. I still work hard, and want to work hard. My work identity is no longer my personal identity, though I find myself defaulting to the "what do you do" question in new social situations. (I'm working on it.) I still have ambition - I want to contribute to the world and I want to take care of me and mine while doing it. I'm still here.
It all just looks a little different now, and that's okay.
If you feel similarly, or if you've had a similar period, I'd love to chat about it. Leave a comment down below.
Xx
Katy
Note: this was cross-posted on my Substack, which I've just started, and will have slightly different flavors of what's posted on here, though there absolutely is a Venn Diagram of ideas happening. If you're interested in that, or even checking out my short fiction, head that way!